Breaking Cycles: Choosing Growth Over Old Patterns
My story begins with a moment of stunning clarity. After years of abuse, first from my father, then from my ex-husband, I recognized a pattern that could have shaped the rest of my life. My dad was mean and abusive and unkind, and my ex was mean and abusive and unkind, and I saw that pattern and I said, no, no more for me.
That realization became the foundation for breaking cycles that had trapped me for years. My journey from accepting familiar pain to embracing uncomfortable growth offers hope to anyone ready to choose a better path.
Breaking cycles isn’t easy, but it’s always possible. And it starts with recognizing the patterns that keep us stuck, and deciding they no longer get to decide the outcome of your life.
In this post, I want to share what it took for me to break free, why growth felt so uncomfortable, and how I started building a life that reflected my true worth. I learned that the hardest path is often the one that leads to the greatest transformation.
Recognizing the Cycle: The First Step to Change
The first step was seeing the cycle clearly. That moment came when I connected the dots between my abusive father and my abusive ex-husband. The pattern was right there, but it took brutal honesty to face it.
I kept telling myself that If I always did what I’d always done, I’d always get what I’d always gotten.
That simple truth woke me up. I realized that unless I made a conscious change, I’d keep attracting the same kind of harmful relationships.
It’s not always easy to spot these signs. Our minds tend to avoid discomfort and normalize pain. Sometimes we’re too motivated by staying safe to admit something is wrong.
But harmful patterns often repeat because they feel familiar, even when they’re damaging our well being.
I encourage you to reflect:
- What challenges keep showing up in your relationships?
- What are you tolerating that you know you shouldn’t?
- What themes do you notice when you look at your past decisions?
This kind of awareness is where true personal growth begins. Once you’re aware, you can choose to move forward.
The Harder Path: Why Personal Growth Feels Uncomfortable
Leaving Familiar Pain Behind
When I chose to leave my abusive relationship, I stepped into total uncertainty. The feeling of pain I knew was predictable. The unknown? Terrifying. But I understood that familiar doesn’t mean better; it often just means habitual.
What kept me going was this thought: “I want to be with someone who treats me the way I treat people.” That became my guide.
It takes real courage to challenge ingrained habits. Even when we know something is bad for us, we may stay because it feels like the safest choice based on our past circumstances.
Learning to Receive Kindness
One of the hardest parts of my healing was learning to receive kindness from Avram and his family. After so many years of abuse, genuine care felt overwhelming, both emotionally and even physically at times.
There were moments when Avram would do things that were too kind, and it made me want to pull away.
I had to practice staying open to it. I developed a simple mantra: “I can receive this.” For two years, I used that as a grounding phrase whenever kindness triggered old defense mechanisms.
Learning to receive kindness is an active choice. It’s part of personal development: choosing to stay present with discomfort, choosing to believe you’re worthy of goodness, and choosing to let it in.
And when we stay the course long enough, those efforts start to change us.
Building a Better Life: Practical Steps for Breaking Cycles
1. Set Boundaries
My decision to say “no more” to abuse changed everything. Boundaries became my lifeline. They weren’t about punishment or walls; they were about defining what I would allow to serve me.
For me, this meant:
- Refusing to tolerate disrespect
- Saying no to what drained me
- Limiting contact with people who hurt me
- Choosing not to engage in conversations that tore me down
Setting boundaries was an essential part of improving my mental and emotional well being.
2. Surround Yourself with Support
I leaned on Avram and his family, even when it felt unfamiliar. That support helped me reconnect with a strong sense of self.
If you’re in the process of breaking cycles, seek out your community:
- Friends who celebrate your progress
- Therapy or support groups with people who understand your story
- Mentors who model what healing looks like
- People who remind you of your worth even when you forget
Support doesn’t always come from where you expect. But it does exist. And the right relationships will help you develop the strength to keep going.
3. Embrace Discomfort as Part of Personal Development
Every time kindness felt too much, I reminded myself: “I can receive this.”
Growth will rarely feel like pleasure in the beginning. It’s more like stretching muscles you haven’t used in a long time. There’s resistance, and yes, sometimes fear.
Some mantras that helped me:
- “I deserve kindness and respect.”
- “Discomfort is temporary. Growth is lasting.”
- “I choose courage over comfort.”
- “I am worth the effort this takes.”
The benefits of showing up for yourself, even imperfectly, accumulate over time. That’s how development happens.
The Ripple Effect: How Breaking Cycles Changes Everything
Breaking the cycle didn’t just change my life. It shaped the world around me. I got to catch the pieces and decide what I kept.
When everything felt like it was falling apart, I was also being given a chance to create something new. I realized I could shape my future with intention, not fear.
This work—the internal, unglamorous, deeply transformative work—has the power to heal not just one person, but entire generations.
My kids now see what a healthy relationship looks like. They know that love doesn’t come with control, that empathy matters, and that
their voices deserve to be heard.
When you choose to lead your life instead of surviving it, you break more than habits. You break legacy cycles that no longer serve you.
This is how healing happens.
Choosing Growth, One Step at a Time
Breaking cycles is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but ultimately, the most freeing.
It doesn’t require perfection. It requires willingness. Curiosity. A desire to do something different, even when it’s scary. A focus on what matters most: your worth.
So what’s one thing you can do today to begin?
Maybe you begin by journaling. Maybe you reach out to a person who’s safe. Maybe you sit with a hard feeling instead of pushing it away.
Your story is still unfolding. Your patterns don’t have to define your future. You’re allowed to choose again.
And again.
And again.
Because every small step you take toward growth, even if no one else sees it, matters.
You don’t have to stay stuck in the cycles you inherited. You get to choose how your life unfolds from here.
For more on this journey, listen to Episode 92 of the Babies and Business Podcast, where I share the full story of breaking painful cycles and finding the courage to overcome them and build something new.
