Rachel and Avram dive into dealing with everyone’s unsolicited advice and how your intuition just might be the very best tool you have. And we’ve certainly seen how this has affected us both as business owners and parents! With Avram as an only child and Rachel as one of 11, they each bring their unique experiences to parenting and family.

Show notes

3:08 Avram and Rachel share a bit about their own family backgrounds (including Rachel being one of 10!)

4:50 How core values in our business guide our business decisions, and how parenting can be similar

5:45 How family core values can help you sort out unsolicited advice

7:36 Rachel shares specifically related to sleep one way that she’s let intuition lead

9:00 One of the tools/philosophies we’ve loved as new parents

10:58 The parallel to self-diagnosing ailments on the internet

11:35 How to choose sources that you really trust

13:10 You’ve got to “unplug” from unhealthy groups in parenting, just like you do in business

13:48 How to tap into your intuition when you aren’t feeling your best

15:52 Can you really not complain as a new parent?

17:14 Relying on your partner when the going gets tough

Mentions & Resources

Babywise (book)

EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION

Below, you will find a transcript of this entire podcast episode. Enjoy!

Avram Gonzales: Welcome back to the Babies and Business Podcast. This is Avram Gonzales, joined by my fabulous co-host, Rachel Gonzales, and we’ve got a fun topic here today. It’s what you know versus all the experts and your mom. Everybody has their opinion on how to raise your baby. Everybody has their opinion on how you should run your business.

It’s funny, the lessons and the things that intersect when you have this discussion. What is essentially intuition versus the world. So Rachel, what has you excited about today’s episode?

Rachel Gonzales: Quite a few things actually. A lot of things that just come up for us. We like Avram said, there’s so much unsolicited advice out there and , sometimes we let that make us feel inferior and we feel like maybe we are not doing the right thing or we’re not the best parents.

But, someone told me once that we are the best parents for our child.

Avram Gonzales: Oh, that’s interesting. Like you’re the one that came here with all the equipment. Yeah. Most necessary to raise that child. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. This discussion’s gonna take us a little bit deep today, friends. We’re gonna be talking about some of the tools and things that we’ve used to cope with the onslaught of unsolicited advice, the overabundance of information that’s out there that can help you or even hurt you in this journey called life and raising a baby, and then navigating those times in our lives, especially with a newborn, that we may not be at our best. We might be actually at some of our lowest points. How to cope with that, how to make the choices that you can feel good about, maybe in spite of some of the advice that you’re being given or like that part of you that’s screaming inside when somebody’s telling you should do this, or you should do that somewhere, You know that’s not the right thing to do.

We’re gonna talk about all of. And more on today’s episode. So Rachel, I’d love it if you would share a little bit about some of the foundational things that we have done or that really inform how we look at intuition versus the world. I know part of it’s like how we were raised, some of the discussions we’ve had of.

Or for you to share about that?

Rachel Gonzales: Yeah, so you know, we both have very different upbringings. You are an only child and I have 10 siblings.

Avram Gonzales: 10 siblings.

Rachel Gonzales: I am seven from the top. So there are six siblings above me and four below. There are seven girls and three boys. Me being one of the, eight girls, including myself and.

Growing up with a big family in my case was not so great. I felt really neglected and I, we’ve had many discussions, you and I, about how we were raised. I just adore you and you’re just such a sweet person. And that’s what drew me to you initially. And. So I’ve quizzed you a lot on how you grew up and how your parents did things, but we really, we really had some really in depth conversations about having a child way before we had a child.

And we talked about some of the, like the rules of the road. What are some of the things that are really important and like that we do or that we not do. And then, just having like clarity on how we’re going to raise. Like core values for our business that they guide us and they help us really decide whether we are living up to what we wanted to do for him.

Avram Gonzales: So there were certain things that you didn’t perhaps love or enjoy about your upbringing that you thought gosh, I’m gonna do different or the opposite of that?

Rachel Gonzales: Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Avram Gonzales: Okay. Yeah. Certain things, certain opportunities that we want to afford him. You brought up the core values of business being something that’s similar.

I I believe that a lot. We share on our weekly team meetings at Digital Harvest our business, our one of our core values and what it means to us that week. We have four core values. It guides everything that we do, and I think it makes decision making easier in the business because if it’s reflective of our core values, it’s a go.

If it’s not, then we don’t do it. And we’re taking that same approach with our baby. And although we don’t have those core values for our household etched in stone, yet we’ve had enough conversations to get a vibe or an idea. So at least we’re headed in a certain direction. But those things are becoming more and more important for us to know what we know and what’s gonna be right for us.

Rachel Gonzales: Yeah, for sure. And going more into the topic of like unsolicited advice we’re given so much information so much opinions, so many opinions from different people, different sources, and there are a lot of things like simple things like sleep, props, don’t ever. Train your baby to sleep only in a dark room with a noise machine.

Don’t ever let them sleep on you in like a baby carrier. Don’t take them on too many car rides because they might get used to that car noise. And they won’t be able to sleep without it. Exactly. It’s screwed. Yeah. So there’s a lot of that and here I am sitting on the couch with my mobi wrap and I have my sweet little boy here.

He’s sleeping on me and. I just, in the back of my mind I’m thinking, Okay, so where does intuition play into that? This little boy is really tired and it’s not okay for him to sleep on me. I enjoy it. He enjoys it. It makes us our bond stronger. And I just really question, do people say not to have these sleep props because it’s going to be harder in the long run for the parent to wean them and for the parents to have freedom and things like that, that we value so much. I just shake my head because I have waited so long to have a child, and I am ecstatic about all the opportunities that I get to have with him.

Avram Gonzales: So in, in looking at the shoulds of, we’re talking about sleep here, what are you, how are you navigating that specifically when you know that something different might be required right now.

Rachel Gonzales: There are times when I am so exhausted that I can’t keep my eyes open. I have zero energy, and so I, I lay down, I’m ready to go to bed. Maybe he’s in his crib, and then I hear him and oh gosh, I get up feeling like a zombie.

The thing that I do is I hold him and I tell him how much I love him because I do love him and I sit with him and I just try to find his energy and what he’s feeling and instead of pushing my agenda on him please just shut up. Please, just lay down. Please, just go to sleep. Please do this, or whatever it is or like having those angry feelings towards him.

I just try to release all of the thoughts that I have for. and let him be him and just me be present with him. And I find more often than not, he calms down within moments.

Avram Gonzales: Yeah. Recognition for what he truly needs in that moment. Yeah. What you were there searching for. Looking for. Yeah. And we’ve built this framework, the first two months of having a baby and building a business at the same.

That framework is, and that regularity has come from a couple tools that we’ve been leaning on, one of which is a tool philosophy book. It’s called Baby Wise, and it’s all about sleep and feeding and raising a healthy child. The thing that we love so much about this book was that it gave you the tools to recognize what’s going on with your child and give them that at the appropriate time.

Versus like setting a timer and making sure that your baby sleeps to the timer or eats the timer. That rigidity, those like hard, fast rules don’t really give room for that intuition. That’s something that we started bumping up against right away. Yeah, and what we loved about Baby Wise was that there are no hard, fast rules, but you are able to create your own reality with your kiddo.

The ability to have a schedule. Has definitely helped in those times when we’ve woken up at night. Maybe it’s not the usual time. What does that tell us? It tells us like something else is going on with our kid. Yeah. Yep.

Another thing that goes beyond just the unsolicited device is the overabundance of advice, and I know that oftentimes if I’ve had a particular. Symptom . I’ve been one of the people that goes, actually not one of those people but I have gone online and I’ve looked it up to see what’s going on, and then ended up being more anxious and nervous after doing so.

Yeah. And so we’ve taken a little bit of a different approach to that. Yeah. You’re a researcher, , you love looking stuff up. I do. So what are you doing with that over abundance?

Rachel Gonzales: Yeah. So I just choose my sources. I choose to go with like authors that are known for the information or my trusted advisors, those kinds of things.

But I also, I just tried to Block out the noise that comes from like social media? Yeah. I’m in some groups that are specific baby wise groups or mom groups and moms are saying certain things and I’ve seen some posts that. Gosh, they’re just so worried and concerned about certain things and for what really.

And here he is fussing a little bit. We’re gonna get him some food. So I, I see that some moms in these groups are really worried about, like something that they researched online or whatever it is. And I’m just able. Like we talked about earlier, like the core values and where we want to go with our child and how we want to help him be in the world.

That I can filter what is going to help me and what is not. And so there’s sometimes that I block people because their comments are not helpful or they’re unkind. And we don’t need to feel any worse about being a bad mom or a bad dad or something, because we already do that to ourselves.

Avram Gonzales: Yeah. Just unplugging. Yep. I know that I’ve been a part of some business groups before where it’s like, gosh, I was always the one that was either giving all the time or there were people that were in the complaining. I was giving, I wasn’t getting anything back ever. Or like you said, the complaining.

Yeah. And just unplugged from those groups. Yeah. So you have the ability to do that too when it seems like a. When anxiety’s running high, when you’re doing a lot of your research, it’s probably a good indication it’s time to unplug. Yeah. And that’ll definitely be helpful. Yep. Last thing we wanted to talk about today on our episode is how to manage all this when you’re not feeling your best.

So it’s easy to tap into your intuition and what you know is true when you are feeling your best. But when everything is new to you, your schedule’s turned upside down. You may not have had the sleep that you’re used to be having or the nutrition or the same regular, and this and that.

Then what do you do? What’s left, and we’ve been talking a lot about this it’s a frequent theme that Rachel and I share. It’s giving each other and ourselves Grace. It’s where Grace has come up a lot in these first few months because we’re trying to handle it the best way that we can. , but when everything is already stacked against you, the last thing that you require is you beating yourself up for maybe doing something that you thought was the best choice and turned out that it didn’t work out.

Maybe you decided to try to push your kid to take that nap that you’re pretty sure they need, and then you’re like, Oh my gosh, now they’re over tired. Are you gonna give yourself grace? That you were doing your best, The intention was there.

Rachel Gonzales: Yeah. Yeah. And when we’re not feeling our best, sometimes for me, I just sit with the feelings. So if I’m frustrated or something like that, some kind of negative emotion I just try to sit with it. But I don’t put it off on my son. I when I interact with him, I give him all of my good. Because I really have, I have literally waited so long to have children and I am so excited to have him in my life, and I just rely on that absolute love and the fact that I asked for this child.

And so I have made the commitment to myself. I am not going to complain about anything that comes. Yes, things are hard. Yes, things are way different than what I expected, but I have made the commitment to not complain because I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mom. And I work really hard at managing my expectations because I feel myself getting frustrated when I have expectations.

I’m not saying that you don’t, shouldn’t have expectations. But when we force expectations on another human being, that’s when frustration can happen on his side. And on my side. I, in one of the groups on Facebook, I actually blocked a woman because she said specifically in her post, something about I hate my life.

I hate my child. I hate this whole thing. And while I understand that people are going through their own situation, I choose to not be influenced by that because I don’t need to hear those words in my head because I can’t relate to that. I don’t hate anything about this situation, even though I may be overly tired or struggling.

I need to be careful. And when I’m judgemental, I’m less available to him. When I’m not at my best, I really try to rely on you, Avram, and letting you know how I’m feeling and you come in and you support me in ways that you just wouldn’t even know. .

Avram Gonzales: Yeah, you can be that barometer for your partner. We have that blessed situation with the two of us here and being able to work from home, have all of this time bit more stability, I would say.

Perhaps every family has it, and yet still working through a lot of the same expectations in the jour ney that we have every single day here with a baby. And business. So that’s it for today’s episode. We’re gonna be talking more about expectations and how to deal with the frustration of things not going your way in future episodes, but that’s what we have here today for what you know versus all the experts and your mom.

If you’re listening right now and you’re love in this episode, you know somebody that would benefit from it. Please share it with. Make sure to subscribe to our podcast and leave us a review. Let us know what you loved about it. We’d love to hear from you. And last but not least, in the comment section of this episode, we’d love to hear what some of the tools are that you deploy.

With your baby, with your business to help know what you know, despite what all the experts are saying. How do you stay strong? How do you navigate? What’s your foundation? Any and all that, and more, we’d love to hear from you. Please let us know your favorite tools, books and resources. We’d love to hear that.

And with that, we’ll catch you on the next one. Bye for now.