Are You Holding Onto Resentment Without Realizing It?

by Avram Gonzales | Sep 9, 2025 | Articles, Mindset, Relationships | 0 comments

Are You Holding Onto Resentment Without Realizing It?

Ever caught yourself thinking, “They finally showed me their true colors”? It’s a common reaction when someone hurts us, but often it’s really a sign of holding onto resentment. We freeze people in time based on one moment and lose sight of the bigger picture.

This shows up in conflicts with family members, struggles in business partnerships, and tension in client relationships.

The result? unresolved resentment and negative feelings that quietly sabotage our mental health, drain our emotions, and make life feel heavier than it needs to be.

This article is inspired by a heartfelt conversation on The Babies and Business Podcast, Episode 100. Together, we’ll look at how resentment can keep you stuck, and how choosing forgiveness, understanding, and compassion can open the door to growth, clarity, and peace.

Why “True Colors” Doesn’t Show Someone’s True Feelings

Here’s the myth we need to bust: “They showed their true colors.”

All personality traits exist in everyone. Your ability to be caring equals your ability to be ruthless. Your capacity for patience matches your potential for anger. When someone hurt you, you’re seeing one side of who they are not their complete identity. Sometimes we mistake a single act for their true feelings, when the truth is more complex.

When something bad happened, it’s very easy to take that relationship and say, ‘Screw this person. They finally showed me their true colors,’ and it’s like everything that came before vanishes.

Think about a mama bear. She’s nurturing with her cubs. She’s also vicious when defending them. Both traits live in the same creature.

Are you doing this to others? More importantly, are you doing this to yourself?

The Trap of Single-Sided Stories and Negative Emotions

During our podcast conversation, Rachel shared her breakthrough about childhood trauma. For years, she couldn’t accept that anything good could come from painful experiences. The hurt was real. The damage was real. But staying stuck in that single story kept her trapped in bitterness and disappointment.

Her shift changed everything. She came to see that while the experience was bad and traumatic, there was also good on the other side. By choosing to recognize the growth hidden in hardship, she was able to let it focus her energy on future possibilities rather than past pain.

This doesn’t minimize the pain. It creates space for growth alongside the hurt. It’s a process of embracing forgiveness, building compassion, and shifting your mindset toward healing.

Growth Hides in Discomfort and Difficult Circumstances

We had our “Worst Client Ever” experience. In the moment, it felt like complete failure. We were angry, frustrated, and ready to write off the whole relationship.

But when we looked closer, we found valuable lessons—examples that shaped us:

We had let the client take too much control instead of leading
Our reporting wasn’t clear enough
Our account management systems needed work

These painful insights became part of our business evolution. What if your biggest frustration is pointing you toward your next breakthrough? Sometimes what feels wrong is really a call to recognize where you need growth.

How Resentment Impacts Your Mental and Physical Health

Resentment is the emotional weight you carry long after the moment has passed. It affects future decisions, even when you don’t realize it. Carrying resentment and hostility doesn’t just cloud your mind. It can damage your mental and physical health, increase stress, and even weaken your physical health.

Often, we become so certain about how wrong a situation was and how bad it felt that we fail to acknowledge the other side of it.

Resentment isn’t always loud. Sometimes it hides in:

Avoiding certain types of clients
Being sarcastic in team meetings
Making decisions based on fear instead of opportunity
Controlling conversations to avoid triggers

When people hold grudges, they don’t realize how much power it drains. Being unable to go of resentment affects your sense of peace, limits your responsibility in growth, and keeps you from moving past old wounds.

The Practice That Rebuilds Balance: Forgiveness, Empathy, and Gratitude

Here’s what works: emotional duality. Hold space for both frustration and love at the same time.

Parents do this naturally. Your kid hits their sibling. You’re mad at the behavior and deeply in love with the child. Both feelings exist together.

Rachel once pointed out that if we can give toddlers grace to be human, we can extend the same understanding to our clients or partners.

When your three-year-old hits their brother, you don’t think, “This kid is evil.” You think, “They’re trying to express something and don’t yet understand how.” That’s empathy in practice.

This isn’t about tolerating abuse. It’s about pausing judgment to find clarity, compassion, and peace in the middle of difficult circumstances. Sometimes an apology, intentional talk, or simply the effort to resolve conflict is enough to heal. Choosing to forgive is a powerful act of strength, not weakness.

And don’t forget to practice gratitude. It’s a proven way to shift emotions, reduce sadness, and bring hope back into your life.

Don’t Ignore the Good: Over-Optimism and Responsibility

Why Overlooking Red Flags Hurts More

Sometimes we get hurt not because things were bad, but because we ignored red flags in our excitement.

Think about that client you really wanted to work with. You swept concerns under the rug during onboarding. You ignored the warning signs because you were focused on the potential.

Emotional clarity isn’t just about healing pain. It’s about taking responsibility, keeping support around you, and learning when to say no. Forgiveness and optimism don’t mean ignoring all the things that matter.

Why You Need People Involved in Your Growth

Rachel and I catch each other’s blind spots. In conflict, one of us brings the opposite lens to the table. This creates balance.

Do you have someone who challenges your version of the story? In leadership, balanced perspectives shape wiser decisions. Having trusted friends and family members who are involved is crucial.

They help you recognize blind spots, pr
event you from reacting with revenge, harsh words, or hostility, and remind you that choosing to forgive is a path toward peace. Good mentors warn and anyone else that carrying a grudge or choosing to resent only multiplies harm.

6 Questions to Interrupt the Resentment Loop

Use these questions in journaling, team debriefs, or family conversations:

What’s the full story I’m telling myself?
What parts of the story am I avoiding?
What emotions am I suppressing or exaggerating?
What did I gain, even if it was painful?
Have I set boundaries, or just built walls?
What would it look like to give grace without abandoning myself?

These questions help you move from reaction to response. They create space between you and your automatic judgments. They help people hold grudges more lightly or sometimes not at all.

Choosing Healing Over Bitterness and Finding Peace

The energy you hold in relationships directly affects your business outcomes. Money flows through people. People bring energy to every interaction.

What energy are you feeding your business? Are you stuck in bitterness, anger, or sadness? Or are you choosing to embrace forgiveness, practice gratitude, and heal from the past?

If you don’t release resentment, it costs you emotionally and financially. That grudge against a former business partner? It might be stopping you from seeing opportunities with new partners. That hurt from a difficult client? It could be making you play small with future prospects.

Take stock: What emotional cleanup needs to happen so you can move forward lighter? Choosing to forgive, acknowledge the pain, and focus on the process of letting go is where your power returns.

Take the Next Step Toward Healing and Forgiveness

This conversation barely scratches the surface. Listen to the full podcast episode at babiesandbiz.com for deeper insights on how resentment shows up, how it clouds judgment, and how to create momentum from emotional clarity.